Monday, August 14, 2006

Fear of Facebook

As some of you have probably noticed, I have recently joined the Facebook world. For those of you who don't know about Facebook, let me just give you this description directly from Facebook: "People with a valid e-mail address from a supported high school, college, or company can register for Facebook and create a profile to share information, photos, and interests with their friends."

Seems harmless. Actually, seems useful, and in some ways, it is. I probably won't have to go to my 10-year high school reunion since I can just see what everyone is doing on Facebook. On the other hand, Facebook has created much unforseen social anxiety for me. I start finding people I know and then I see that "Jon Jon has 497 friends." Then I start to get a little concerned. I look at my puny little list of friends. Granted, it's a damn good list of people, but what if people think I'm a loser because I don't have eleven thousand Facebook friends? Then, what if people laugh at me for being friends with certain people? No, Leah, it's not you.

So then I start the quest to get more Facebook friends. What are the guidelines for Facebook friends? What qualifies someone to be your friend? Obviously the people I would consider friends in real life qualify. Even people I only consider aquaintances qualify, for the most part. People I was friends with in high school, they qualify. Even Trey Featherly, who was my boyfriend in Kindergarten and later took all my Pogs in 7th grade qualifies (I want my Pogs back, you bastard). But then what? What if I went to high school with someone, but we weren't really friends? Or what if I don't really know someone, but I've met them because they are friends with one of my friends? Or what if I had a class with someone and maybe borrowed his or her notes once, but that's the extent of our relationship? Do they qualify? Will they chuckle condescendingly at me for being foolish enough to think they would be my Facebook Friend? So then as if I don't fear rejection enough in real life, here I am fearing ... get this, it's pretty lame ... Facebook rejection.

Just when I sit back and really think about this and really start to get worried that I'll get voted "Biggest Facebook Loser" at my high school reunion (man I hope I'm cool by then), I have a revelation. I think to myself, "Who gives a damn?" I also have a new slogan for Facebook.

Facebook ... the online pissing contest.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I wanna be your facebook friend...but only you'll be mine, Biff!