Party On!

Okay. I've cooled off a bit since my little "incident" with the rude lady in Miami. I had to work this week, so I really don't have that much exciting stuff to report. Kellen did send me a few photos and videos from Langerado, but I'm still having technical difficulties, so I'm only posting a couple:

The above photo was taken during my incredible dancing time. I've already told several of you the "incredible dancer" story, but for those of you who haven't heard it, this is how the conversation went:

ME: I like your dancing!

RANDOM STRANGER: Thanks!

ME: Do you like mine?

RANDOM STRANGER: Yeah!

ME: I know. I'm an incredible dancer!

I know. I'm ridiculous. I have no credible excuse. Here's a video of some of the incredible dancing (it's toward the end and you can't see it all that well, but whatev):

I recall feeling like I was doing a damn good job at dancing and being very concerned about getting the magic on record.

If you couldn't tell I was a) pretty stoked to be there and b) quite intoxicated.

I also got this sweet video from the Sound Tribe show. It was pretty intense to have some killer music, a wicked sweet light show, and an impending severe storm all at the same time:

Anywho, sorry I don't have a lot to write about. I've been working my ass off the last five days and I was fortunate enough to squeeze in two really good mountain bike rides, so I'm pretty spent. Don't worry though, I'm getting to hang with one of the best members of my crew this week. My friend Maggie hopped a plane from Wisconsin to come spend her Spring Break with me this week, so stay tuned for the hilarity.

RUDE.

Holy crap. I am this close to outright beating someone's ass in this Starbucks. I try not to write ranting blog posts, but this deserves an exception. So here's what happened:

I was sitting in my own little corner at Starbucks minding my own business. I got up to use the restroom. As I was walking, I noticed a lady walking behind me. I thought to myself, "Sweet, I'm gonna get to use the restroom before this lady does." I should note at this time that I hate using the restroom immediately after someone else does, especially public restrooms, which I hate in general. Don't even get me started on mall restrooms. I digress. Anyway, I opened the door to go into the restroom, which was a one-person-at-a-time kinda deal. In fact, I've never been to a Starbucks that didn't have a one-person-at-a-time restroom. So as I walked into the restroom, this lady started walking in after me. I turned around and gave her a weird look and she said, "Double?" This lady was clearly of Hispanic descent (by "Hispanic" I mean "Cuban." I am in Miami, after all) and I don't think she spoke much English, which is annoying in its own right. Learn the language of the country you're living in. So I just responded with, "Uh ... no." And I pointed at the ONE toilet. I had stepped aside a little while holding the door open so she could see that there was only one toilet and that she was going to have to wait until I was done. I don't know about you all, but I would think that at that point, it would be clear to anyone that she should just chill out and WAIT HER FUCKING TURN.

You're probably starting to get an idea of what this a-hole did next. She walked right past me and used her huge Cuban ass to SHUT THE DOOR, thus pushing me back out into the hall. I loudly whispered "BITCH" and banged my angrily closed fist on the door. I didn't really know what else to do, so I just stood there and waited for her to come back out. As she walked out I gave her my best "What the hell?" look, but it didn't phase her. She didn't even look at me. So I angrily did my business in the bathroom. I had no desire to get my ass kicked by some nasty Cuban lady.

Can you believe this crap? What an asshole, right?

Sorry for all the swearing. I'm pretty pissed off still. Now I'm back in my corner trying to figure out which car is hers so I can go outside and slash her tires.

Stupid Google.

I was all stoked to post some pictures of my family, my dog, and my weekend at Langerado, but no ... Google/Blogger is being a little bitch and not uploading my photos. Next time, I guess.

Anyway, my event in OKC was hella good. Not only were my friends and family in attendance, but we had over 100 women there, which is pretty damn good, especially for Oklahoma City. I'd like to show you some pictures, but we've already discussed why I can't.

So then I was home for one day this week, which I had originally planned on using for a day off. Not so much. I ended up with a to-do list a mile long and I only got about half of it done. Oh well. Then I took off for Florida again. I left my house later than I planned, as usual, so I had to book it to get down to the Everglades for Langerado, which was incredible. We had to endure thunderstorms, freakishly bitter cold (for S. Florida, anyway), and fire ants, but it was worth it. I don't have any pictures yet because we took all of them with Kellen's camera, but I promise to post them when he sends them. We got some hilarious videos too.

Highlights from the weekend include:

• Meeting some super cool new friends around our campsite and hanging with them all weekend.
• Eating the most delicious corn dog I've ever had.
  
• Watching all the ridiculous things that go on at music festivals.
  
• Incredible dancing.
• Seeing some great music from STS9, Railroad Earth, Beastie Boys, The New MasterSounds, Thievery Corporation, and Disco Biscuits.
  
• Seeing R.E.M.
  

I wasn't really all that excited about R.E.M. until we actually saw them. They put on a great show. They played a couple of their classic songs and then a couple off their upcoming album. I particularly liked their performance of a song called Houston off their new album, including Michael Stipe's introduction to the song where he said:

"I'm sick to death of being told by top politicians what I should be afraid of and what I should fear. I think I'm smart enough and old enough and experienced enough and wise enough to know what I should fear. And what I fear is politicians telling me what to fear. What I want is politicians who speak of hope."

It was pretty cool, I thought. Maybe you just had to be there. Or you could just watch the video someone took of it:



Anywho, I've been spending today just trying to get back to functioning like a normal human, or as close as I can get, anyway. I don't have any events until Wednesday night, so I'm hanging out down in Miami. I'm trying to get a lot done today so I can go paddle my boat tomorrow and take advantage of the beautiful weather.

Over and out.

Moving Right Along.

I had to leave San Antonio on Thursday, but first, we made time for a mountain bike ride. My pal Laura has always been pretty adventurous, so it would have been a shame not to go ride bikes together. All I have to say is that the trails were too confusing, but I had a great time anyway. If you want details, Laura has summed up the morning quite nicely here. I will go ahead and post my two favorite pictures from the morning's festivities.

Laura knows what's up and has the same camera that I do. So I showed her how to use the self-timer on hers. You should have seen me haulin' ass up those stairs after I pushed the button on the camera.

I learned the hard way that if you go down a hot slide headfirst, you'll burn your tummy.

So then I had to leave my borrowed family behind and make my way to Austin for work. I have a lot to say about that, but this is not an appropriate forum for that discussion. A friend of mine (Jodie) who I met last year through another friend (Julie) let me stay at her place in Austin, so that was a pretty good bonus. Jodie is one of very few people I know who likes to read as much as I do. Plus, she took me to Homeslice, which I was pretty stoked about. The great thing about Jodie is how our effortless friendship fits in perfectly with my laziness.

Those of you who have been following along the last few weeks might remember mention of my day at the Sea Food Festival with Kellen. He finally sent me some pictures.

While we were enjoying some delicious crab cakes, this drunk guy came and sat by us and kept offering us some of his crawfish. Then he didn't know how to eat the crawfish, so some lady had to show him. Then he offered us his crawfish again. It was funny, but annoying. That's him next to me .

We saw this sign on the way back to the car. Actually, this yard had two of them. I resisted the urge to take one even though it would have looked really sweet on the door of my trailer.

The festival was supposed to be closed for the night, but we found this petting zoo and couldn't help ourselves. Here's Kellen molesting a chicken.

Well, kids, I'm in the midst of a pretty busy week, so I should really get to sleep now. I'm pretty excited about my event tomorrow night because MY MOM is coming. Also, MY DAD and MY SISTERS are coming. I love MY MOM and MY DAD and MY SISTERS. I've also got a few really good friends from my high school days coming. I've got to be sure I don't screw this up. Don't worry. I'm sure there will be some hilarity either way and I'm sure you'll hear about it.

Oh, and Chris, I see you're throwing down the gauntlet here, with your two posts in two days. But I know you. This is a fluke. Your relentless blogging will not last. I was flattered you mentioned my voicemail though.

Let's Go To Luckenbach Texas ...

... with Waylon and Willie and the boys ...

Some of you out there are probably singing along right about now. Most of you probably don't know what the hell is going on here. In any case, I suggest downloading a little Waylon Jennings (specifically the song about Luckenbach) to have some accompaniment music for this post.

I didn't have any events the last three days, but it really wasn't worth it to me to drive home from Houston on Sunday just to have to drive back down to Austin tomorrow. So I decided to borrow my friend Sarah's family for a few days since they live in San Antonio. Today was a very special day. Sarah's mom Candy and her sister Laura and I went on a Texas Hill Country Roadshow Extravaganza.

First we went to the Sister Creek Vineyard in Sisterdale. It's this really old cotton gin that they turned into a winery. Before we did the wine tasting, we took a tour of the place. The first thing I noticed was this flag:

Is it just me, or does that seem dirty to anyone else? Come on, admit it. You were thinking the same thing. Apparently that's supposed to be a cannon. That's bogus. Every cannon I've ever seen has had wheels on it. I don't see any wheels. I know. I need to get my head out of the gutter.

Moving right along, we found these cavernous empty vats. According to our self-guided tour sheets, they are for bottling the wine. I found that they were also pretty good for making some killer echo sounds:

We checked out some more stuff back there, but it didn't take very long. Sister Creek is just not that big of a place. Before we left we stopped to try a few of the wines. I thought they were pretty good, but then again, you're talking to someone who equates "expensive wine" with "gallon jugs." Here's Laura and me enjoying some wine tasting:


We left the winery and headed toward the famed Luckenbach, Texas. I've heard the song at least a hundred times, so it was high time for me to go check this place out for myself. Besides, Candy said it was cool. We pulled up and the first thing I said was, "Is this it?" Sure enough, it was, all ten acres of it. We stopped to take a picture outside the general store, a 150 year old building held together by splinters, mud-dauber nests, and old cowboy melodies:


The general store offered a surprising amount of Luckenbach merchandise for such a tiny little town (Population: 1). The best part though, was the bar. You know what they say: When in Rome (or Texas) ... so I bought a cold delicious Shiner Bock to accompany me on the rest of our stay. Actually, Candy bought it cause I didn't have any cash. We walked out back to the stage where some notable and not-so-notable country greats come to play. I can imagine how lovely it would be to sit out there on a summer night singing along to my favorite Willie Nelson songs with a little help from my good friend Shiner. Another time, perhaps. Today we just stood on the stage and acted like idiots:

We moseyed over a particularly treacherous-looking bridge to check out the idyllic campground next to the river. Someday soon I would really like to pitch my tent there and stumble back over that rickety bridge to it after a rockin' outlaw country show. For today, we just climbed a tree for the hell of it:


We stopped back by the store on our way out so I could get a sticker to put on my trailer. I was feeling friendly after finishing my tasty Shiner, so I started chatting with the guy behind the counter. The he asked, "Do you have a feller, Arkansas Girl?" I replied with, "Nope, do you wanna be my feller?" He said he would very much like that. So I guess if I ever get the urge to drop everything and move to the middle of nowhere in South Texas, I could shack up with this dude:

I probably won't though.

We rolled out of Luckenbach and went to see the home of Lyndon Baines Johnson. That, however, is a whole 'nother story in itself. Let me just say that it was hilarious. I think I will also take this opportunity to publicly apologize to Candy for laughing so hard at her I cried. After that little episode, we met up with Ed, Sarah and Laura's dad for dinner where I had one hell of a good hot dog on a bun. Once our bellies were full we pointed our pony toward the house and called it a night.

I'm leaving tomorrow, but I have to say, it's been a great three days with my surrogate family and I look forward to coming back here (and back to Luckenbach) in March. Oh, and I'm sure you'll be able to see some other pictures and get Laura's side of the store here.

How about that? Two posts in one week. I'm on a roll! You'd better watch your back, Christopher.

Busy Being Fabulous.

So, I had resolved to start blogging more often just to spite my nemesis Chris. Then today I realized that it's been 20 days since my last post. Clearly I have no resolve. I really don't even have a good excuse for not posting. I have been busy, but not that busy. I have had plenty of things to post about. I'm just a slacker lately, I guess.

I was home for a little while between trips to Florida, but winter sucks, so I left a few days early this time around to get my time in the sun. I met up with my pal Andy in Panama City, Florida to do a little paddling. Andy used to be a military kinda guy, so we went to Tyndall Air Force Base and paddled from there (after eating delicious grouper sandwiches). We paddled to this island and then got out and walked around a bit. I've been to the beach numerous times in the past year, so you'd think the novelty would have worn off by now, but I'm still absolutely fascinated by the ocean every single time. This beach was exceptionally pretty.


There's this huge pile of crap that people keep adding more crap to and it has turned into this:

It reminds me of something you'd see at Burning Man. Which, by the way, I plan on going to one of these days.

The next day I cruised on down to Tampa to meet up with Kellen for a seafood festival. Kellen and I are both incredibly stupid sometimes, so we ended up stuck in traffic for several hours. Long story. At least we had some Girl Scout Cookies to keep us happy. And besides, Kellen's the kind of friend that I could be anywhere with and still be having fun.

We took some pictures at the festival and there are stories to go along with them, but Kellen is also a slacker and hasn't sent them to me yet. I do have this one though, of this truck we were behind in traffic for awhile:


It's really an entire package deal, with the stickers and all, but my favorite part is the light taped to the license plate. See it there, at the bottom, held on with duct tape? Classy.

Well, I've got more stories and more pictures, but I need to get some work done and get over to San Antonio so I can party with Sarah's family. But don't worry. I'm going to get back on track and blog more than Chris ever dreamed of blogging. I promise.

Older and Wiser.

I'm home. I was only gone for three weeks, but it felt like three months this time around. Spending a month at home and then having to leave again probably didn't help. Either way, I was still pretty stoked to be sleeping in my own bed with my luxurious flannel sheets.

Anyway, I turned 25 last week, so my friend Leah reminded me that I haven't given her any advice in awhile. Leah is more responsible, way smarter, and much more mature than I am, but I just happen to be a month older than she is, so I feel obligated to give her advice on a regular basis.

My first bit of wisdom for you, Leah, is this: do not wager with me if you are not prepared to face the consequences. My sales rep in Atlanta learned this the hard way. He lost to me in a round of bowling, so he had to wear a tutu. He thought I would forget or that I wasn't serious about it. Who's not serious now, Shawn?

I have one more bit of wisdom I'd like to pass on to you, Leah. If you decide to erect a huge chain link fence across what is CLEARLY a 4-lane highway, put up some signs declaring such. If anyone from NASA in Huntsville, Alabama is reading, then you especially should take note. You almost killed me, you assholes.

My coworker Tori and I were trying to get from the bike shop to our hotel. We were doing fine until the navigation system said to turn right. We turned right, which put us on this 4-lane highway. Then we saw our hotel which did not appear to be accessible from this highway. I looked down at the navigation screen and it told me that we were "Off-Road." Great. So we really didn't have any choice but to keep going until we found the next exit at which point we could turn and go back the other direction. We drove for awhile and started getting pissed off because there were no exits and we were getting further and further from civilization. What was a normal looking highway started looking dark and desolate. Finally we saw one lonely little light up ahead. Great! An exit! So I was approaching what I foolishly thought was an exit at approximately 75 miles per hour. We were on a highway, after all. Then I realized that the lonely little light was illuminating not so much an exit, but a chain-link fence stretching across the highway. Consider the following: chain-link fences are not that visible, especially when it's dark out; it takes some distance to stop a vehicle traveling 75 mph; it takes considerably more distance to stop a vehicle towing a trailer weighing a couple thousand pounds. Fortunately, the distance between the point at which I realized there was a fence and the fence itself was greater than the distance it takes to bring a Volkswagen Touareg towing a 7,000lb trailer to a complete stop. It's not much greater, though, it's only about 2 feet.

So, luckily, I did not plow through the chain-link fence. Tori and I stepped out of the car for a moment to investigate just why the hell someone would put a fence across the highway. Then Tori noticed the NASA sign. So we took a picture:

Tori also noticed some signs that said "Military Installation. No Trespassing." So we decided we'd better get out of there. There was no place to turn around, so I had to back the trailer up for about a 1/4 mile until I found a place to get it turned around.

So back to my original advice ... put up some freakin' signs! Prior to almost crashing through the gate and breaking our country's space program, we didn't see a single sign warning us that maybe we shouldn't drive on that road, or that perhaps we should know that there's a huge fence blocking the highway ahead. Seriously, NASA, you're literally a bunch of rocket scientists. I would think you'd realize that you should alert motorists to the road hazard you've created.

So anyway, there's your "older and wiser" advice.